Thursday, June 3, 2010

A snake, a glove, and a damsel in distress

I'm so ready to move out of this rental. If I wasn't ready yesterday, I'm ready now. Need I mention I have like...30 packing boxes sitting on my porch just waiting to be filled? I'm so ready.

Last night, we were getting ready for bed. Actually Noah was rubbing my back 'cause he's sweet like that and I'm a wimp when it comes to Chiro visits. And I announced that I was going to fall asleep if I stayed I was going to the bathroom and taking out my "eyes" and would he continue when I got back? Being the chivalrous man he is, he said sure.

Enter: Snake.

I step into the bathroom.

...let me just interrupt myself and tell you that we have a really really small bathroom.
There's barely room to squeeze a trash can between the toilet and the tub.

And thats when I saw it.
...trying to disguise its nasty red and brown body
against my white bath tub and 70's baby blue tile.

The audacity.

I glanced over and was looking at its tail
(the rest of him was squeezed between the trash can and tub and his head was near the corner)
So all I saw was the tail...and I'm thinking...I have no idea what that is.
It took me about 5 long seconds to realize it was a snake.

I did not scream. I'm really not a screamer to begin with. Even on roller coasters I'm kinda lame...
I'm more of a "wa-hoo" kind of girl. However, this was not a "wa-hoo" kind of moment.
I simply backed up all the way to the wall...(which wasn't very far...its a small bathroom)
and yelled "NOAH!"

Which is, quite honestly, the best thing you can yell in a situation like that.
Unless you don't have a guy with that name around.

So he's like "whaat?"
Apparently I didn't have an adequate amount of urgency in my tone,
because he didn't actually come running at the sound of his name.
So then I said, "There's a SNAKE in the BATHroom". And I wish I could record myself saying this...because my voice was kinda low...went up in articulating SNAKE and down and up in BATH and down.
So Noah was still like "whaat?"
But this time he was moving as he said it. Which is better.

So he came in and....

wait...first I had to let him.

Because I was so barricaded up against the wall that he couldn't open the door. I mean...that corner was as far away as I could get, ya know? So he finally pushed hard and I took a chance and scrambled around the door while saying, "its right there!"

Then I did a hop, skip, and a jump and kerplunked myself
right into the middle of the bed, leaving Noah to the vicious reptile.

The Battle:
So Noah is like....OH...there IS a snake.
(what, you didn't believe me?)
So he asked me to grab one of my rubber gloves.
To challenge the snake to a duel I'm sure.
So i checked the floor around the bed before jumping off, running to get a glove, and throwing it at the door
...and jumping back in bed. (it seemed like the safest place to be at the time)

So he grabbed the snake.
I did not take pictures.
I did not video.
I did not care HOW it was removed.

I could hear it hissing and whipping around as he carried it out of the house.
And all I could think about was 'there was a snake. in my bathroom.'
I was NOT happy. In fact, I was a little freaked out. go figure.

The Question:
How did it get in? So Noah came back in after throwing it really far away
(I personally thought he should have thrown it at the neighbor's dogs...but he didn't)
and convinced me to go back into the bathroom because he checked it really well.

So I went in and I'm looking around really closely...wondering how it got in.
And then I saw it. A hole in the wall and a shed snakeskin.

And I ran back to bed.

There was a small hole in the wall where the pipe is and the snakeskin was hanging on the pipe... So I told Noah I wasn't going back in the bathroom until he fixed the hole. I didn't care if he duct-taped he ended up caulking the hole.

The Conclusion:

After that I did manage to finally use the bathroom and take my "eyes" out....but I'm still a little freaked out.
In fact, I had to use the bathroom during the night
and I held it until Noah got up this morning and went into the bathroom.
I jumped outta bed and ran in there and was like...uh...I gotta go.

I think I'll be ok. In fact, I think I'll pack a box or two today...


Just the Mom said...

Blast. I was at Target & forgot the sympathy card. :-( my thots r with u. I am however commenting with an iPhone.

tho: after hearing some of sister Kathrines stories, you do live in Florida. Maybe you should trade Frankie in for something bigger??

I'm a bit surprised it was in the bathrm. It would seem cooler?? Nothing to eat??

I dunno. The lot is for sale next door.

Anonymous said...

Can I have a little more information on the snake? I am glad that all turned out so well. I believe I would do a little more than caulk the entrance hole. You must have a strong heart. Noah sure does. Great job Noah. Does the grand dragon eat snakes? Maybe a pet mongoose is in order? You would be amazed how many snakes try to break into your lives when we let down on our prayer life. I would have a little talk with Jesus and close those openings.

Jeni said...

You know...I was actually feeling like my prayer life had taken a turn for the better...truly.

Noah said I can't have a pet mongoose. Isn't he mean?? hahaa...

It was a red ratsnake...almost two feet long.

We're moving. we're moving. we're moving -repeat to self-

Just the Mom said...

I feel the need to say: OMgoodness. Two feet??

I don't know if I could sleep. I had trouble with a lizzard. Which was less than 6 inches long. Course I had the two black ones that fell outta the rug..., but they were around a foot. And their brother that swam by me. I am a screamer. I assure you, there are times it's perfectly relevent.

I'm just... Appalled.