Thursday, September 8, 2011

A is for Agitated Attacking Ants

On Sunday I almost amputated my own leg.


I accidentally stepped into a nest of fire ants.

I blame this on pregnancy.

that may not make sense...
but I'm pretty sure you can blame
just about anything on being pregnant.

nausea, hunger, soreness, backaches, memory loss, loss of breath, high tax rates, major natural disasters, ant bites...

why not?

Anyhow...for all those unacquainted with the delightful little are some interesting facts to note before making your next trip to Florida.

  • Fire ants are so small that you really don't feel them on you until they start stinging you.
  • Fire ants bite first, then sting you in a 360 degree motion around the bite by using a stinger in their abdomen.
  • When one begins to sting you, it lets out a pheramone that signals to all the other fire ants that THEY should start stinging you too. (peer pressure)
  • Fire ants are evil.
  • Fire ants can best be avoided by staying inside laying out on your bed with a good book and your favorite beverage and snack of choice.
50 plus fire ant bites foot was on fire...go figure.
The only relief came 20 minutes or so later
when we were able to find ammonia to pour over them, which neutralizes the poison.

I either had an allergic reaction to them
or there were just so many bites that they were on top of each other.

Either foot ended up swollen and very very very unattractive.

I didn't take pictures because...well..
I'd rather not remember how bad it looked.
I liken my swollen foot to a blown up latex cleaning glove.

It took two days for the swelling to go down and now I look like a small pox victim.

I'm glad I could educate you on fire ants.

The end.


In other news...

I am officially 33 weeks along...with few complaints to be heard of.

Tho Noah may protest on that last note..-cough-

I still can't eat eggs or green beans.
I also really enjoy root beer floats and milkshakes as often as I can get them.
I am not, however, fat.

(repeat to self)
(look in mirror)
(repeat to self)

I'm anxious for the return of my slender waist. I miss it so.
It may sound vain, but I don't care.
I don't care how "cute" people may say you look.
What they don't see is you in the morning...
staring into your closet for 20 minutes
as if something magically flattering will appear.

In the end you grab the same thing you wore yesterday and the day before.
because let's face're not getting any smaller
and you're just too darn cheap to go buy anything labeled maternity.

I considered going into hiding for the last 3 months of my pregnancy...that way I wouldn't have to worry about finding something to wear out in public. I could live in my husband's white Hanes t-shirts and be perfectly content.

I told Noah we could strap a couple bags of sugar on his stomach so he could feel what I'm feeling.

He said no thank you.
And then he rubbed my back for an hour.