Saturday, September 6, 2008

The Festival of Covered Bridges


Michael Keaton, Luke Skywalker, Uncle Jessie from Full House... we've seen them all...

But why....WHY, I ask you, are they still around? The mullet isn't merely a hairstyle. It is, well, more like a state of mind...a..way of LIFE. Characterized by short hair on top, front, and sides, the mullet is then followed by a long drape of hair down the neck and back. Typical accessories of said hairstyle often include unkempt facial hair, tattoos, sunglasses, and 80's band t-shirts. Although research of this phenomena is still at an early stage, preliminary results by the nation's top laboratories have suggested that as the mullet slowly reaches its maturity, tentacles begin to grow into the brain of the victim, affecting several important areas of the brain. This then alters the actions and behavioural responses, causing extreme aggression, lack of hygiene, a sense of paranoia and distrust towards authority and governmental figures, but most importantly -steadily decreasing IQ levels. However, these details are merely preliminary and are nowhere near conclusive. Also, the controversial nature of this theory renders it unsuitable for mass publication.

I saw too many mullets today to keep count. That's not the saddest part though. ...most of them...were on women. In the hickestville of Indiana...a town of 654 people....mullets are all the rage. I invite all who have met discrimination for their chosen hairstyle to move to said town where you will be accepted with open arms.

...anyhow...the point of me going to this hickestvillemulletmetropolis was for the Covered Bridge Festival and, in turn, the fair food.

5 hours = 1 elephant ear, 1 sweet tea, 1 Italian roast beef sandwich, 1 bag of kettle corn, 1 Amish ice cream cone, and 1 corn on the cob

and 1 stomach...which may have grown a lil in the process...but now I'm home, fat, and free of mullets. ...until just never know...


Lost in FWA said...

LOL! That's pretty hillarious! We went to a county fair today...can't say I saw any mullets..must not have been hickishville enough! Uhh...hope you stomach agrees with all that there fair food! You might be sitting on the porcelain throne for awhile! LOL!

Jeni said...

ha. ha.

the "porcelain throne" as you call it...was not needed..

Katherine said...

Okay. I can AT LEAST embellish the porcelain throne thing - in MY day, we referred to it as "talking to dinosaurs over the great white telephone"

That was free :\